Mama's a Psychologist, You Know

Julia has recently begun learning "feelings" words. Her first word in this category was "scared," or, rather, "dared!" Since she is going through that typical toddler phase of developing numerous idiosyncratic fears on a weekly, if not daily, basis (evening shadows, the Count from Sesame Street, clock faces, noisy trucks outside), it makes sense that she has learned the word "scared." However, soon after learning the word "scared," she overgeneralized, saying "dared!" when it was clear that she really meant "mad." You know: we'd tell her that her beloved yogurt was all gone, and she would screw up her face in a dissatisfied way, squirm in her highchair, and say, "Dared!" "I don't think you're scared, honey, I think you're MAD," we'd clarify. "Are you mad?"

Well, sure enough, we clarified a little too well. These days when she clearly IS scared, she tends to blurt urgently, "Mad! Mad!" Usually this is when she is confronted with people she doesn't know. We just got back from a long weekend with my family over Easter, so Julia had a lot of opportunities to see new faces: strangers (albeit very nice, sweet ones) at her grandparents' church, extended family members she hasn't seen since she was an infant and whom she does not remember, neighborhood kids at the local park. "Mad!" she'd fret, sticking close to my or her father's leg and eyeing the interlopers nervously.

But then a new verbal tic developed. Somehow, sometime recently, Julia picked up the phrase "cry about it," which admittedly has the slight flavor of a taunt ("What, are you going to cry about it?") but which I know must have been spoken to her by one of us with gentleness and love--I swear, we do not ridicule our child for her feelings, ha ha. So she has been repeating that line now and then when upset, but in a not-quite-accurate way. "Cry about it," she'll say mildly when she wants to pet a distant doggie spied through the window, or when she anticipates running out of crackers. She doesn't actually cry, nor appear very sad. But anyway, over the weekend, when Julia was often nervous and timid while meeting new people, we taught her the word "shy," saying, "Are you feeling a little bit SHY, honey?" when she'd claim she was "mad." So naturally she turned that into "shy about it." Now that is her phrase of choice when she feels nervous, worried, or scared in new situations. "Shy about it!" she'll murmur distressedly when she sees the mail lady approaching our door or a neighbor outside on the sidewalk. "Shy about it!" It does have a nice ring to it, in its own toddleresque way, wouldn't you agree?

By the way, she is also working on the words "nervous" and "worried." Lest you get too concerned that we have a mini neurotic on our hands, let me assure you that Julia also knows, and uses, the word "happy." And she has the endearing habit of proclaiming appreciatively, upon stepping outside to play, "Nice day out!"

It's all good.