A Condescending Note to My Fellow Pedestrians

Marquette Avenue is not Nicollet, it's true. Still, that's no reason to dress like this.

1. Mr. Hip-Hopster
Any street cred (does anyone still say "cred"?) you've gained with the gold-framed MC Hammer glasses and the extra-long cigarillo, you've also lost by dramatically adjusting your belt in public. Let's start treating our belts like our underwear: never adjust them anywhere outside your domicile unless you know no one else can see you. Unfortunately, I could.

2. Mr. No Service
Arrested Development called; they need you back on the set. Bring the cut-off jean shorts and the retro duffel bag. No need to put on your shirt yet. Let those flabby pecs gleam!

3. Ms. Coolness
I like the tinted J-Lo wraparounds. The swishy-floaty clamdigger-type pants, the ones that look kinda like a skirt but turn out not to be? I'm still ambivalent. I know that means a lot to you. What's not so good, though, is that you have your shirt tucked into your underwear. You're welcome.