The New Job: Prose and Khans

As an undergrad essay might begin, "My New Job so far has both advantages versus disadvantages to my Old Job."

NJ - Campus chapel's bells ring at noon
OJ - Satan scrapes his trident over cubicle walls at noon

NJ: Nearest snacks located three buildings away, over currently-windswept sidewalks
OJ: Nearest snacks located downstairs via elevators

NJ: Students wear college gear, communally affirming their relationship to the institution
OJ: Employees wore university gear, doing free advertising for company

NJ - See cows and horses on commute down
OJ - Dealt with manure during workday

NJ: Lots of good office swag, including a Palm Pilot
OJ: Lots of good office swag, including an aluminum clipboard

NJ - Driving into town takes me past the Malt o' Meal Plant
OJ - Riding downtown took me past malt liquor bottles and people who haven't had a square meal in days

NJ - Desk chair not out of place on the bridge of the starship Enterprise
OJ - Desk chair not out of place in the interrogation chamber of one of the CIA's "extraordinary rendition" jets

NJ: Box elder and scarlet oak trees right outside my window
OJ: Nearest trees nine stories down in a terrorist-proofed public park

NJ: My own laser printer, sitting right there on my desk for me to use, refill with paper, etc.
OJ: Common laser printer, sitting a cubicle away for me to use, refill with paper, etc.

NJ: Personal laser printer makes scary "ka-chunk!" sound after printing
OJ: Common laser printer always clogged with hard copies of other people's emails

NJ: No easy access to a coffee shop; bad headaches and unspent twenties
OJ: Easy access to a coffee shop; caffeine addiction and excessive discretionary spending

NJ - College colors are blue and maize, and have been since 1889
OJ - University colors are brick and off-white, and have been since some consultant said they were cool, back last year or so

NJ: Can see the campus quad, "the Bald Spot," from my office
OJ: Could see bald spot on top of female boss's head from first cubicle

NJ: Structures around my building: astronomical observatory, library, math building
OJ: Structures around my building: office tower, office tower, office tower, office tower

NJ - Everyone may have have to deal with getting some snow this winter
OJ - Everyone always getting snowed